Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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