Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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