I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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