you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm at about main and main street
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
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