can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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