there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
