I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
