Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
