My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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