He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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