She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
