hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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