i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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