dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize