i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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