I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
