thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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