Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
