I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
