When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
