I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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