so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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