so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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