my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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