i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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