you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
