Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
