My brain says no but my pants say off.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
