omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
