So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
