(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
