i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
