She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she pinky promised me she was 18
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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