There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
