Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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