How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize