I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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