Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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