I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
