I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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