I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
