He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
