Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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