Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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