You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
