Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
