I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
