Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
