She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
