I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
