when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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