just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
