ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
