just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
