I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
