I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
