I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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