People in love make me want to vomit
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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