If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
