I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
All I want is dick and wine.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
