Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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