I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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