he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You're a waste of cheezeits
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
