Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
