my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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