so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
