I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
