i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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