Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I will be naked everywhere
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
