Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
