apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
