well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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