Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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